I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
