I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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