Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
