she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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