What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
