I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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