covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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