I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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