At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i dont even know how to be here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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