dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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