Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
