apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
