id be glad to
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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