I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
