For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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