The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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