I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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