This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
