I cut my penus on the lid.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
