We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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