Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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