Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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