Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
