Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
