Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
