OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
