some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
