Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
