This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
