His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
