Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
