the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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