Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
