I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
