She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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