Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
