weddingsv make me drug and hornr
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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