I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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