Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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