omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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