Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
