There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
