She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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