you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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