no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
