census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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