I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
