he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
