You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
