Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Welp...herpes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
