Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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