But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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